As a 45-year-old woman, I look back on my experience with Playboy with a sense of gratitude and absolutely no regrets. It's crazy to think that after 22 years, I'm still signing autographs from my centerfold. Looking back, it's funny to think that when Playboy first approached me, it didn't seem like a big deal. Of course, this was before the internet was what it is today, and I was following in the footsteps of some of the most iconic women in history, such as Marilyn Monroe, Janet Jackson, Elle MacPherson, Cindy Crawford, and Madonna.
Shooting for Playboy was a process that I always have to give Playboy 101, but being a centerfold was much different than being a Playboy model. We were one of 12, the fold-out, and acknowledged by the brand. You could only wear the bunny costume if you were a centerfold, among other things. When I shot for Playboy, it took over a month and 8-hour days. Hair, makeup, lighting, the old-school way of shooting - it had to be just right, and we didn't have the technology we have today.
I never felt insecure about being naked, and it helped that Playboy was so professional. However, I didn't think through the fact that my photos would be forever in print. I was thinking more about the brand, the money, and how it could help me get out of a small situation I was in at the time. It was a simple time back then - a few photos in the magazine. But then the internet came along, and all the unpublished outtakes and everything else were suddenly out there for anyone to see.
After Hef died, any protection we had from people stealing our photos was gone, and they were pirated. I remember a time when a few women that I barely knew gathered around a computer and looked me up at a party someone was having . After that party a few of them stated to spread rumors. I wasn't a porn star, but my photos were on PornHub. I'm sure those women wouldn't go any further than that,🕵🏼but the fact that my photo was on PornHub along with Britney Spears and Salma Hayek etc they may want to practice common sense. Maybe the website was trying to use people with names for traffic? 🤔
It's hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I'm a sex symbol or that people can see me naked. Most of the time when I see photos of myself, I laugh. I'm bloated, I had my wisdom teeth out, or I had a bad makeup artist who made me look ugly. I felt like I had to write about this because it has come up recently, after over two decades I did two signings. A friend asked how I felt about it.
People are quick to judge, but Playboy was a process, and I was surrounded by professionals and an icon, and none of it ever seemed weird or dirty. I don't regret it. I wouldn't be where I am now without it. I was in a dark place surrounded by bad people, and my back was against the wall.And with the 7-page magazine spread in a magazine called Playboy, with a man dressed in a robe as my guardian angel, I became Miss August 2001, and long with the support of my own family also came instant money, fame, and the PB family that I feel saved my life.
If I had to do it all again, the only thing I might do differently is hire a different hair stylist. I used to hide from the fact that I did Playboy, but now I own up to it. I don't care what people think or say, and if they have me in their browsing history, that's their business. Playboy was a turning point in my life, and I will always be grateful for the opportunity it gave me. And the sisterhood that exists today ❤️
